The future holds many secrets. It keeps the high spirits of a hopeful man for better lives and wishes for easier existence. But what about just a vision of a future where men have awesome toys with which to propel their manliness into the proverbial stratosphere? I’ve put together a list of kick-ass devices that any man of the future hopes to have at the ready any day and every day. Here are the 6 things men are begging to have in the future.
6| A Shaving Device That Works Instantaneously
Instead of Mach X to the tenth power (or whatever we’re up to by then) why not just a device you can place your face into that lasers off your facial hair based on pre-determined styles or clean shaven preference in one second flat? Then we would have time for the important shaving that takes a hell of a lot more time and precision.
5| Condoms That Go On By Themselves, Don’t Break, Feel Like Nothing And Are Free
Basically what I’m saying here is no one likes condoms and they are the devil disguised in rubber form.
4| Alarm Clocks That Stimulate Sizzling BBQ Smells
Men like to live and die by meat, so why not an alarm clock that brings you to your senses with the best non-fellatio oriented sensation possible? I’m talking about bacon-wrapped pork tenderloin, smoked BBQ brisket, buffalo wings, filet mignon and red wine-braised lamb shank scents permeating our olfactory senses with intent. I want this so bad, I can smell it.
3| Cars That Drive Themselves
I know that Google has one already, so hold your tongue Internet. What I’m looking forward to is when these take the place of regular cars. When perfected, it’ll mean traffic flowing smoothly, better gas mileage, and of course, the ability to sleep in DURING your commute to work.
2| Glasses That Help Detect Fake Boobs
This’ll help guys who love fake girls to find them quick and guys who dislike them to turn and run. I’d have to imagine that there’s a market for this in Southern California.
1| Hangover Free Alcohol
Sure you might black out, send pictures of your uvula to your entire office and eat your weight in bagel bites, but at least you’ll be fresh in the morning and ready to drink once again. Go you.
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